My daughter’s divorce is final today – yes, on July 4, 2013 – officially signed off by the local county superior court system. Ironically, it is the date the ex insisted be on the paperwork.
All the ugly details don’t really matter – except to say that, after two years of marriage, she was strong enough to say “enough!” and walk away from what ended up being a physically and, more significantly, psychologically abusive marriage.
It took three years to finalize a very simple divorce for a variety of reasons (primarily because he was the only one that could possibly do it right) and wrongly filed papers (that he insisted on filing) – but it’s all over now finally and he has gone away. And, ultimately, as the plaintiff, the settlement went her way – she wanted nothing from him, nothing to tie her to him in any way – she just wanted him to go away.
She still struggles with the psychological injury – but is slowly learning to trust again and how to set boundaries. Thank goodness she has always been strong enough to speak up when she needs to – that was part of the problem (if you would just …. I wouldn’t have to get mad at you…). At least she is no longer saying “never again”, but is looking with wiser eyes.
Domestic violence, regardless of the “side of the fence” you are on – a woman being abused by a man, or a man being abused by a woman – is such a horrendous crime against humanity. Abusers are the lowest form of life. The worst kind of predators.
It was a privilege for me to be there for her when she was going through these times – and to help her break away from him. I am a true mama bear – don’t ever think you will cause harm to my cubs – I may be 5 ft 1 in, but you even try to hurt my kids and you have me to deal with. He has seen me in action. He tried to harass her, but he, to this day, has never tried to approach me. He avoids me like the plague. Good call. There is a line of people behind me if he ever in his lifetime decides to try to hurt her again. In any way.
But this is not about me – it is about my daughter being a survivor – and about her truly starting a new phase of her life independent of the ex – on her personal independence day – July 4, 2013.
Namaste – I honor you, my daughter – and I honor all of you surviving domestic violence.