We’re Planning A Wedding!


I know this feeling so well right now!
I know this feeling so well right now!

My stepdaughter is getting married next April.  My hubby is experiencing all the crazy emotions that any daddy should when his baby girl gets married … including watching both “Father Of The Bride” movies last September.   My hubby is a scientist – chemist – very matter of factual.   He is also one of the biggest teddy bears I have ever run across.  Wears his emotions on his sleeve.  I love him for it.

As I alluded to in June, when the Bride graduated from University, the relationship between her mom and dad is less than ideal.  It’s a given there will be awkwardness when they are both be in the same space twice in two days (the rehearsal and the wedding).  We will get through it.  It is, after all, all about mom and dad’s divorce issues the Bride and Groom!

What we are not understanding (and at the same time acknowledging that it is what it is) is that mom is refusing to contribute anything financial towards her daughter’s wedding.  Zip – zero – nada.  She can easily afford it.  We are assuring the Bride that her wedding will be what she wants it to be regardless.  The Bride is a frugal young lady and is planning a simple (yet elegant) small ceremony and reception.

And despite the fact that mom is constantly pushing to control decisions about the wedding, the Bride has graciously kept her included in some of the decision events; and kept her at bay (though not always so graciously) for some of the decision events.   Today we are meeting with the caterer to do tastings for the menu – mom feels she should be there.  She was invited to join us – but since Dad will be there, she refuses.  Dad has not been to any of the other decision events, and since he is paying for everything, thought he would like to join the Bride and Groom for the tasting.  Not to make the decisions for them, but to be a participant in the process.

I am pleased they are getting married at the lovely Villa where I work ~ even mom approves!   For a total of 50 people, we will have a head table of 10, 3 family tables (hers, the groom’s and ours) and the rest “take a seat not a side” seating.

I am pleased that the Bride and Groom are including me in the planning process – acknowledging me as a parent (albeit step) and an event planner by trade.  I am seriously honored and delighted to be a part of this life-affirming event!

The Bride and Groom WILL have the wedding of their dreams – we WILL survive it.  I am grateful in all of this that mom (so far) has no problem interacting with me in the “joint planning” we have done.  I am praying that through this experience we can, perhaps, break down some of the walls so that as we go forward and in the future share (with God’s will) grandchildren, we will all have grown a bit.

Namaste – I honor our sweet Bride and Groom ~ and the parents who created them!

(where’s the xanex?)

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4 thoughts on “We’re Planning A Wedding!

  1. I’m sorry your stepdaughter has to deal with such self-centered people – and at a time like this. Hopefully, while neither you nor she will change that woman’s behavior, you can offer her the support she’ll need to deal with it. I’d steer my efforts that way if I were you; be productive where it can make a difference. Still, it just makes me shake my head to know what people will sacrifice when they’re that consumed with their own needs. That girl has my sympathy and so do you.

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    1. Susan, thank you for your wise comments! And, yes, that is what we are doing. Bride and Groom are just ending a 10-day stay with us (they live about 4 hours away) during which we have tied down most major details with vendors, etc. As stepmom, I have simply offered her the support and collaboration they need to get done what needs to be done – offering suggestions and choices of vendors, but reminding them that this is THEIR wedding and the decisions are theirs to make. And I keep reminding dad that mom’s issues are her own – she is writing her own story in all of this. Our place is to love and support the kids as they begin their life together.

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    1. Joy, thank you for taking a peek! Yes, is awkward – and yes, I am determined to slowly but surely nudge us closer to some level of civility. Not expecting to ever be best friends – but at least to be able to enjoy the kids as we grow older without the hostility. Call me Pollyanna! Happiest of holidays to you! And, oh, your bread pudding recipe (on your site with applesauce) sounds amazing and yummy and comforting! I will have to try it!
      Best to you – ittybitty

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