Yeah, it’s been a while, but as I recently read on one of my favorite blogs, life happens. And life has been happening.
It’s a never ending – obesity and head battles.
And I am now half way in between the two weights.
I often contemplate how I got my head into that place of commitment and action – that place that allowed me the strength to make the decision to have weight loss surgery. I would like to get back there – I know that place is still inside me, somewhere in my brain.
And I remind myself daily that this tool I have was not brain surgery – it was stomach surgery. Funny how I still know all the right answers. And I also know all the triggers to the emotional eating that is occurring at this time in my life –
- 2 adult children with bi-polar/anxiety disorders and other chronic health issues
- going through a divorce (however currently amicable) due to husband’s inability to cope with the issues my kids have. We have been married just 4 years, so he has no emotional investment in them and their issues (understandably). He also has no desire to understand mental illness. He is an acknowledged alcoholic.
I thank my higher powers that I currently have a good job. I am self-supporting, which allows me to provide a home environment for the time being for my son. That being said, it is a bit of an unanticpated burden and I live pay check to pay check Son and I are hopefully working through this and building some parameters and expectations on both our parts.
The “UN” mindfulness part?
- Too much comfort food and too much wine. My self-medicating. I’ve tried therapy for stress and anxiety – anxiety meds and anti-depressants are not my cup of tea. I still have unused Zanex from 2 years ago.
- No exercise
- Insomnia – and yes I know, lack of exercise and alcohol are major contributors.
The plan? I refuse to call it a “resolution” because I don’t want to set myself up for failure.
- Returning to food choices that I know are appropriate and supportive of a WLS lifestyle
- Reducing at least if I don’t eliminate the alcohol
- Exercising if only walking and stretching to start to get back into the routine
- Finding and participating in support programs for caregivers for family with mental illness and an al-anon type of group.
- Allowing myself to grieve the loss of what I thought would be my life partner and cheerleader – not that I ever expected him to fix my problems, but there was a hope of him standing beside me.
- Reminding myself to set personal boundries for self preservation
- Engaging in my relationships with my women friends – rather than sharing and relying on them, I tend to do the opposite and isolate – I get tired of hearing about my problems, how can I expect them to? Yet I know I would be there for any of them in a heartbeat
It’s mostly remembering to take care of myself ahead of everyone else. I am the first one to tell people to “take care of you so you can take care of those who need you”.
I’m looking in the mirror – saying those words.
Do you need to say those words to you?
Namaste – I honor you and your head battles.