A week ago I alluded to my amicable divorce. It still is, we are in agreement on all things and will be doing a no response/uncontested action. Taking care of business. It’s a relief that my terms are not being questioned – though it’s simply whats yours is yours, what’s mine is mine. But I am grateful that we are able to be calm, rational adults.
It is, none the less, the death of a dream – of a hope – of a partnership where we were to stand beside each other and face life’s challenges together.
I have, over the last week, found myself grieving the death of the dream. The death of the hope of finally having found someone who was committed to standing beside me as I dealt with the challenges of my world. He just isn’t capable of understanding and embracing my life’s challenges. That’s ok – I don’t hold it against him – I just need to move on and deal with them on my own. It is a lot to ask someone. I was just hopeful.
And so I grieve – and I know that as I process these feelings, as I have in the past with the death of my kids’s father 23 years ago, and the death of my parents, and the crash and burn and escape from a brainfart marriage to an alcoholic/addict that ended 9 years ago, I will find a place to tuck away the grief. And the love. And the memories. And even the hope.
And I will be stronger for it.
And I am content being alone – for it is much easier than being lonely with someone you had a dream with.
Namaste – I honor you who are grieving a loss. Be kind to yourself, and take your time.