Itty Bitty’s Moving


Hello my friends, I am in the process of transfering my wordpress.com blog to my new website www.ittybittyboomer.com – please check out the new website, and register there to continue following me while I’m in this strange time of transition!

With any luck within a week everything here will be there …

Thank you!

The Itty Bitty Boomer

Head Battles – WLS Journey – 10 years and 6 months later


 

Yeah, it’s been a while, but as I recently read on one of my favorite blogs, life happens.  And life has been happening.

It’s a never ending – obesity and head battles.

2005 - 225 lbs
2005 – 225 lbs
March 2006 - 135 lbs
March 2006 – 135 lbs

And I am now half way in between the two weights.

I often contemplate how I got my head into that  place of commitment and action – that place that allowed me the strength to make the decision to have weight loss surgery.  I would like to get back there – I know that place is still inside me, somewhere in my brain.

And I remind myself daily that this tool I have was not brain surgery – it was stomach surgery.  Funny how I still know all the right answers.  And I also know all the triggers to the emotional eating that is occurring at this time in my life –

  • 2 adult children with bi-polar/anxiety disorders and other chronic health issues
  • going through a divorce (however currently amicable) due to husband’s inability to cope with the issues my kids have. We have been married just 4 years, so he has no emotional  investment in them and their issues (understandably).  He also has no desire to understand mental illness.  He is an acknowledged alcoholic.

I thank my higher powers that I currently have a good job.   I am self-supporting, which allows me to provide a home environment for the time being for my son.   That being said, it is a bit of an unanticpated burden and I live pay check to pay check  Son and I are hopefully working through this and building some parameters and expectations on both our parts.

The “UN” mindfulness part?

  • Too much comfort food and too much wine.  My self-medicating.  I’ve tried therapy for stress and anxiety – anxiety meds and anti-depressants are not my cup of tea.  I still have unused Zanex from 2 years ago.
  • No exercise
  • Insomnia – and yes I know, lack of exercise and alcohol are major contributors.

The plan? I refuse to call it a “resolution” because I don’t want to set myself up for failure.

  • Returning to food choices that I know are appropriate and supportive of a WLS lifestyle
  • Reducing at least if I don’t eliminate the alcohol
  • Exercising if only walking and stretching to start to get back into the routine
  • Finding and participating in support programs for caregivers for family with mental illness and an al-anon type of group.
  • Allowing myself to grieve the loss of what I thought would be my life partner and cheerleader – not that I ever expected him to fix my problems, but there was a hope of him standing beside me.
  • Reminding myself to set personal boundries for self preservation
  • Engaging in my relationships with my women friends – rather than sharing and relying on them, I tend to do the opposite and isolate – I get tired of hearing about my problems, how can I expect them to?  Yet I know I would be there for any of them in a heartbeat

It’s mostly remembering to take care of myself ahead of everyone else.  I am the first one to tell people to “take care of you so you can take care of those who need you”.

I’m looking in the mirror – saying those words.

Do you need to say those words to you?

Namaste – I honor you and your head battles.

Itty Bitty

Fun Work Day – Building New Friendships


Everybody thinks being a hotel sales manager is all fun and games – entertaining clients, schmoozing, playing – believe me, it’s not.  And while we DO those fun things, it’s also just one part of our responsibilities.

This is the fun part – Triple A Baseball games – Giants feeder team in Sacramento – the Rivercats …  Sunday afternoon game with a client and her hubby and my hubby.  But it goes beyond that. This lady is someone I’ve known just as a meeting planner for many years.  I’ve always been intrigued by her personality – her “outgoingness” – her interaction with others in positive ways.  My new job and the segments I am responsible for have put us together in business and encouraged an opportunity to get to know each other on a more personal level.  I still admire her spunk and desire to motivate others.  She is also taking the reins as president of  one of the meeting professional associations I belong to and she is working on engaging me as one of her board members.

Thank you, Kit, for the vote of confidence!  I see a huge opportunity to make a new friendship – not just work related, but a personal friendship.  I like her as a person.

MarieKit
Itty Bitty and Kit … Baseball!

The rest of the reality of being a sales manager is 8 – 10 hours a day of making prospecting phone calls to potential clients, responding to requests for proposals for meetings, conferences, training sessions, special events from meeting and event planners, showing the property to prospective clients, negotiating and preparing proposals and contracts, following up on outstanding pieces of business – meeting sales call quotas and dollar quotas on business booked, maintaining relationships with not only existing clients but also prospective clients, checking in with clients who are “in house” during their meetings, attending after hour mixers and meetings, it never ends.  And I love it.

Though I hate to admit it, working is my salvation.  It keeps me grounded, keeps my mind busy,  keeps me physically busy, keeps me engaged with others on a work and social basis.

Working makes me appreciate my down time – and gives me the ability to help those I love when I need to.

I have had jobs I loved – and jobs I hated where I cried all the way to work.  But I’ve worked in the hospitality industry since 1969 and I cannot begin to imagine doing anything else.

I wish everyone loved passionately what they did for a living.

Namaste – I honor you – and wish you contentment in whatever ;you do.

 

Itty Bitty

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mothers ….


Mothers come in all shapes, sizes, relations and genders …. whether it is a birth mother, stepmother, aunt, friend, teacher, a man who has taken on both rolls of mother and father – it doesn’t matter … Happy Mother’s Day to you all ….

As usual, The Story People hit it the nail on the head  ….

Courtesy of www.storypepole.com
Courtesy of http://www.storypeople.com

Hold out your arms, my friends, and wrap them around someone and hold them tight ….

Namaste – Great Mother, I honor you!

Itty Bitty

Mommy’s Advocacy, Inc.


Or it seems like that should be my profession …. at least this last week.

So I think we are settling down with the boy child’s needs – we have him enrolled in a MediCal managed health care plan and it should fall into place tomorrow. We will call so he can choose a primary care physician.  We also finally found a source for an interim script for his meds till he receives a referral to a psychiatrist for medication management for his bi-polar disorder. He got one of his meds yesterday and the other one today. We are hopeful that he has fond employment, albeit part time.  At least he will have some income to take care of his life and car insurance and his cell phone and a little left for spending money.

We moved forward this week with applying for SSI disability and engaged a friend’s son who is an attorney specializing in SSDI.  He’s giving us guidance at this point pro-bono, and if we get an initial denial he will step in and file an appeal for us.  If we don’t get a denial, he is kind enough to just help us through the process and review forms for completeness. Soon now hopefully we can get him in a program for his dual-diagnosis. One day at a time.  His mood seems to have stabilized a little and he is laughing a little more and showing affection.  Baby steps.

Take A Number ….

Last Friday my daughter was laid off her job of two and a half years due to the company she was employed by (and adored her job) experiencing financial difficulties.  She is also diagnosed with bipolar disorder, as well as being epileptic, OCD, ADD/ADHD, has fibromyalgia, and suffers migraines on a regular basis (especially during summer).

So my overlapping project has been helping HER apply for MediCal for her and my grandson, who has developmental disabilities and behavioral issues from oxygen deprivation at birth.  Their monthly medication bill is over $3000 a month without insurance, so it is critical that they get assistance while she is filing for unemployment and seeking employment (which she started doing the afternoon she was laid off)i

She is also filing for food stamps on a temporary basis.  Yes, we are helping her – subsidizing her rent while she forges forward.

Sheesh! I’m exhausted!  But I know my kiddos will be ok … we have always hung together and supported each other in times of need – now is no different.  And the old saying that when you think your life is crap, just look around.  that is so true this week.

And on top of it all …

Two weeks ago a close friend of hubby learned that his 24 year old son had been murdered in South Carolina – shot in the back of the head and left in an abandoned trailer.  The memorial service is this Saturday evening.  Love to you, Drew  – and may your afterlife be free of the pain of substance abuse. And much healing love to your parents.

Then a few days ago, a dear friend of mine lost his darling husband to cancer.  They were together almost 15 years, and married in 2008.  They were wonderful together – Rick and Shawn – one of the sweetest couples I know.  Shawn’s memorial is in three weeks.  I know you are soaring pain free with the Angels, Shawn – God speed.  And dear Ricky …. my heart is always with you.

Yet in spite of it all …

We have reconnected with some old friends, found laughter and joy, and continue forward with open hearts.  We will continue to encourage my son on a path of healthy and engaged living.  My daughter will survive her employment setback.  We will love and embrace our friends who are grieving ….

We will continue on this life, well ….. lived.

Namaste – I honor you – and me …. live well …

Itty Bitty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sisterhood and a Red Tent


I love being busy – even at “my age” (realizing I’m on the 63-side of 62)!  I’m not ready to stop “working” or stop being productive – granted, some of that is financially motivated – but I was never one to be contented bring a stay-at-home mom (with absolutely no disrespect intended to those who choose to be) or a kept woman (oh, that’s right, I never was).  I never had the financial security to do either. Not complaining – it was what it was.

There was little time for girlfriends/sisterhoods while working full time and  raising two kids (including being a brownie/girl scout/cub scout/marching band/pipe band mom). Or three kids if you count the first husband with mental illness issues. That was  followed by the second husband who came with no desire to be a father and his two little ones (every other weekend)  barely older than my grandsons, and parenting aging parents.  That phase of my life has been followed by assisting my single-mom daughter with my (now teenage) grandsons (one of which is special needs), oh, and loving the love of my life – my hubby.

I still work – two and a half part time “jobs” – operating the lovely Villa in the foothills three days a week and helping hubby with his environmental consulting business. The half part time “job” is my dream of building an independent meeting planning/event services consultancy.  I have the joy of being a gramma taxi every other week (not so much in summer) – of poking around in our back yard garden (the strawberries tomatoes and summer squashes are starting to grow), and being a domestic goddess around the house.

So what’s missing here? Time for those girlfriend/sisterhood relationships!  I miss it!

I recently stumbled on a book called “The Red Tent” by Anita Diamant – and the little heard-of Red Tent Movement.  While Daimant’s book is about the biblical character Dinah and her history and cultural customs (including the requirement that women enter the “red tent” every new moon for the first three days of their menstrual cycles) – the real or under story is about the sharing of love, support, joys, sadness, births and deaths between the women and their use of the time to rest from their daily lives and obligations, and replenish their minds and souls.  The Red Tent Movement seeks to bring women together (locally) at the New Moon (whether for a few hours, a day, a weekend)for the fostering of sisterhood, friendship, sharing, support, music,  creativity – and honoring our natural cycles that are our woman-ness.  Doesn’t matter whether it’s a small or large group – it’s the coming together in support of each other, whether we are maidens, mothers or crones.  We each have wisdom to share!

I will be inviting my “sisters” to a red tent evening soon – a time away to relax, rejuvenate, share, laugh, cry, sing, celebrate, grieve … be ….. in friendship (new and old), in sisterhood, in womanhood – where all understand the demands of being not just women, but of being partners, wives, mothers, children of aging parents, working women, stay at home women .. a place of trust and safety within each other.

Do you have a “place” to share with your sisters/friends?

Namaste, my sisters – I honor you –

Itty Bitty

So I Gave Her A Dollar … Just In Case …


Another lovely bit of wisdom from the wonderful folks at  Story People …..  Happiest of Holidays, Merriest of Christmases … stay tightly warm and safe in the arms of friends and family!  Be grateful for every little thing in your life …. and be sure to share a little love and compassion with a total stranger …… Namaste … I honor you …Itty Bittypurplemadonna