Highlights and Tattoos – The Lighter Side of Life


So I’ve been playing with my little blog for 5 years now.  The last few years have been fairly dark ones – and I want to move on from the darkness and chaos. It’s still there, I deal with it on a daily basis.  Mama bear will always deal with the chaos.

And where do I want to go with this little blog from here?  Well, I’m thinking more on:

The joys and stresses of aging from my prospective, staying young at heart while becoming old of bone, friendships, relationships, effective make up for aging skin (cos I’m always searching), fun hairstyles in spite of being older, and a little bit of this and that with respect to family (because that’s number one in my book said this mama bear)  …. yep, that’s it!

That being said, lately I’ve been working on being contented with me and letting that “me” out.  

The “medically supervised fast” is on hold because I started having major issues with digestive issues from no fat, high protein and iron supplements if you get my drift.  I’m in process with finding something else low calorie/high protein to replace it without the side effects.

A few weeks ago I took a second step in changing the color of my hair from mousy brown to a darker chocolate brown – and eventually silver highlights.  Brittney Johnson at  Salon Bravissimo in Fair Oaks, I still love you a year later!

hair

Then last weekend I got my very first (and I’m sure only)  tattoo.  I saw it a few months ago and knew I had to have it.  Thank you Nick at Fat Cat Tattoo in Carmichael, CA for the awesome artwork and being gentle with the ol’ lady!!!

 

And last but not least, I got a new ‘puter – lending my old smaller one to my son so he has his own laptop to use.

I also have to share a little gratitude here for the new circle of women friends I’ve made over the last year through my work networking systems.  I see some of them becoming life-long alliances.  Part of my availability to foster these friendships is my single state – I have time to actually spend with friends occasionally – and they are the kind of friendships in which we actually do “wellness checks” with each other when one is struggling.   Women and friends ….. critical!

So Namaste, my friends – I honor you and your willingness to grow and change!

Itty Bitty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Head Battles – WLS Journey – 10 years and 6 months later


 

Yeah, it’s been a while, but as I recently read on one of my favorite blogs, life happens.  And life has been happening.

It’s a never ending – obesity and head battles.

2005 - 225 lbs
2005 – 225 lbs
March 2006 - 135 lbs
March 2006 – 135 lbs

And I am now half way in between the two weights.

I often contemplate how I got my head into that  place of commitment and action – that place that allowed me the strength to make the decision to have weight loss surgery.  I would like to get back there – I know that place is still inside me, somewhere in my brain.

And I remind myself daily that this tool I have was not brain surgery – it was stomach surgery.  Funny how I still know all the right answers.  And I also know all the triggers to the emotional eating that is occurring at this time in my life –

  • 2 adult children with bi-polar/anxiety disorders and other chronic health issues
  • going through a divorce (however currently amicable) due to husband’s inability to cope with the issues my kids have. We have been married just 4 years, so he has no emotional  investment in them and their issues (understandably).  He also has no desire to understand mental illness.  He is an acknowledged alcoholic.

I thank my higher powers that I currently have a good job.   I am self-supporting, which allows me to provide a home environment for the time being for my son.   That being said, it is a bit of an unanticpated burden and I live pay check to pay check  Son and I are hopefully working through this and building some parameters and expectations on both our parts.

The “UN” mindfulness part?

  • Too much comfort food and too much wine.  My self-medicating.  I’ve tried therapy for stress and anxiety – anxiety meds and anti-depressants are not my cup of tea.  I still have unused Zanex from 2 years ago.
  • No exercise
  • Insomnia – and yes I know, lack of exercise and alcohol are major contributors.

The plan? I refuse to call it a “resolution” because I don’t want to set myself up for failure.

  • Returning to food choices that I know are appropriate and supportive of a WLS lifestyle
  • Reducing at least if I don’t eliminate the alcohol
  • Exercising if only walking and stretching to start to get back into the routine
  • Finding and participating in support programs for caregivers for family with mental illness and an al-anon type of group.
  • Allowing myself to grieve the loss of what I thought would be my life partner and cheerleader – not that I ever expected him to fix my problems, but there was a hope of him standing beside me.
  • Reminding myself to set personal boundries for self preservation
  • Engaging in my relationships with my women friends – rather than sharing and relying on them, I tend to do the opposite and isolate – I get tired of hearing about my problems, how can I expect them to?  Yet I know I would be there for any of them in a heartbeat

It’s mostly remembering to take care of myself ahead of everyone else.  I am the first one to tell people to “take care of you so you can take care of those who need you”.

I’m looking in the mirror – saying those words.

Do you need to say those words to you?

Namaste – I honor you and your head battles.

Itty Bitty